I am doll eyes, Doll mouth, Doll legs, I am doll arms, Big veins, Dog bait, Yea they really want you, They really want you, They really do, Yea they really want you, They really want you, But I do too, I want to be the girl with the most cake, I love him so much he just turns to hate 2003-07-28 3:31 p.m. qSO, I'm welcomed back to my first day on the job after a long, relaxing retreat. I feel energetic to return, psyched you could say. I also feel stupid. dumb as hell. what was i thinking becoming an early childhood edcuator. When it comes down to it, i dont care anymore what lives I affect, what things i am teaching some stuck up toddlers. I really dont even want to teach no five year olds their alphabet either. i want to be an old world chinese philosopher who sips herbal teas all day, is in touch with their chakas and smokes pot while writing poetry. i want to get paid to paint giant beautiful murals on the sides of city walls.. dingy cities that look disgusting. Why can i do that, work for the beautification of a city, town or hell masion. a mansion that is all mine!! all mine, where I could run around naked, up and down several flights of stairs. I could sit in one room connected directly to the roof, were in a thunderstorm you hear noting but the pounding of the rain. pounding. speaking of pounding you could make love layin on the floor of this room, with the lights off, a few candles glowing and the rain.. oh the rain.. how loud and demonic it would sound. cackle. ha ha ha ha ... orgasm. oooh that would be nice. Then I would want to go downstairs and sit in the kitchen , reading a magazine on home decor and pet lil' izzy and smokey. they circle around me smelling the aftersex, drawn by the afterglow and watching my hand draw to my mouth a warm cup of tea, like a hypnotist with a watch, i tease them. what they'd give to have a sip of camomile and cream.

I spray myself with the enchanting sent of moonflower..

again I am stuck. caught in a trap. I can't walk out. because I need help too much baby.. da doo do do do.

sitting with a bunch of 1and a half year olds, which i lied about when I was back home because yes, i am so embarassed to admit I have the suckies job in the world. A proffessonal babysitter with a 18,000 dollar debt looming in the balance.Okay, but did I really screw up my career because I did not finish student teaching. I a way I think I wanted to. Something was telling me, this isnt right , this isnt right. don't go forth or you will fail. you will be miserable. But no I am miserable. well not miserable but just getting by. Anyways, I couldnt turn around and start over, it was too late, well, It was too stupid. you cant just switch majors at the end, especially if you have no clue where to jump.

I WANT OUT. I'M SCREAMING FOR ATTENTION, COME HELP ME OUT.

nobody is in control of me anymore. there is no security net. all of my choices are mine, full ownership, 100 percent. mommy and daddy can no longer be there. not that they ever wanted to be there anymore, anyways.

I procastinate the dumbest shit. I am the smartest shit but can't admit to it. I a

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- - 2004-05-23
depression started the day you were born - 2004-05-17
me, myself and I. In a nutshell, cracked in half. - 2004-05-17
just a blabber - 2004-04-29
companion, crutch - 2004-04-23

My Diary new older about me leave me a note mail aim *guestbook* **Pics of Me** layout diaryland Courtney Love Can you deal? Characters Hey hey! .. =) So here it is: Erin: Me! Blonde hair, green eyes, 5'1. I live in Lindenhurst,NY-Long Island baby! I love to listen to music, party, hang out with my friends and my boyfriend. My favorite food is Pasta. I love summer and going to the beach for tanning of course. Random facts: -I have a cat named Izzy and one named Smokey I like to buy new shampoo and conditioner as often as possible -Kurt and I have been together for 5+years I won't let my daughter(when I have one) play with Barbies -As a child I lived on Spegghetios -I was born in Palm Beach Gardens,Fl. -I'm very creative -I wanna go back to school for Creative Arts Therapy -I love rain and thunderstorms I used to model when i was young and want to do it again -I hate my feet -I love the smell of fresh cut grass, and gasoline -when I was little I was afraid of knives -I'm obsessed with Courtney love -My friends call my "erbear",you're a special friend if you call me Er -I've always loved People say I am: a)creative b)intuitive c)I look like mena suvari =). Buh bye! .**Erin**. moon phases � My Mood**always SugarComa SNOOP these peeps barbie07 noelanii beautiful08 brittybaby perceptionss sugarbabylon carmen4ever free2dream glittercaz hotkisses69 teen-mother