I am doll eyes, Doll mouth, Doll legs, I am doll arms, Big veins, Dog bait, Yea they really want you, They really want you, They really do, Yea they really want you, They really want you, But I do too, I want to be the girl with the most cake, I love him so much he just turns to hate 2004-02-16 10:14 a.m. qat any age you can have an awakening. A true opening of your spirit to a new way of thinking. You can truly, see the light in a different way than you ever have before. I feel like I have had this happen to me at 23. Before, I use to live life fearing or hoping for tomorrow. And sometimes not just tomorrow, but a month or year from now. It is hard living like that. You are always trying to make sure nothing goes wrong or plan best accordingly for incidents that could possibly happen. If the moon is so powerful in guiding us you think it would take us and wisk us away upon our demand to leave this life and go on to a better place. But the moon controls out emotions, biorythms and spirit. They say the pills can make you stronger, happier, more in tune with one's inner self. Well many humans are out there playing God with their bodies;living the life of the Dope Show. But, if we really put our faith into the power of the sun and the moon and the stars think what could come of it. If I was invisible.. that clay aiken song was just on the radio. Well If I was invisible I would have live in a different persons room for a month straight. Travel to each home, live there. Follow that person around. See how the moonlight guides them. Living life in another person's shoes can be very fortelling. Maybe they are depressed, or inflict pain on themselves, maybe they induldge in self-medicating acts, illegal but oh so powerful. You could see how everyone fights nature day to day. If your body is your temple, how do you life with it without self medicating. If you kiss your crush, you get an incredible rush. The endorphins in your brain are enough to make you shine like a star. So engaging in that sexual act, is that self medicating. Taking a plunge down a rollercoaster, getting that high, only a rollercoaster can provoke. Or maybe calling a potential job offer, nervous, but excited for a new endeavor. All of these things are what we control. How we make our brain tick slow, fast or outta control. Is there true hapiness, that just sits idle in our brain, not caused by anything accept purely breathing? Does one with depression live with the idle feeling of despair? Can other's truly MAKE us happy or do we just put an expectation on what they will do for us and if it's met, voila.. we are happy. Well, i don't know if the moon can give us that natural high or low. I think so, i think when the planets and stars allign in a certain way, we are very much under their wing. Have you ever met and talked to a retard, someone who is mental retarded. Nine times outta ten they are blissfully happy-always smiling-always carefree-always naive. If being naive is the purest form of the adult brain, then a retard is merely like a child,who hasn't yet learned that things can hurt you. Which means that they don't put expectations on other people or events. Which means they don't have any goal in their life but to breathe and let nature take its course. Maybe they are the true example of purity. Is the purist mind the happiest or is our dependance on others self medicating? Lonliness can be the root of depression, but why should another's company make us blissfully happy. Shouldn't our own mind and body, heart and soul be just as fufillling. Maybe not. maybe we are to learn, grow, change and manifest feeling from others, from experiences, from living. Idleness can be the true room of sorrow. If your stuck inside, with the door locked and no windows, there is no opportunity for change. maybe you are still blissfully happy, not having a worry or a care. But you don't do anything with your life and you may rot. You see no others, you do nothing, you aren't challenged and you are faced with choices. If I was invisible I would watch what each individual of my choice, chooses to do when they come encounter with obstacles, challenges, people-life. If I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me, who is in control? So I've quit drinking alcohol, smoking pot, smoking cigarrettes. I am in control of my happiness. Nothing else can control what I do, make me weak, alter my perception of reality but my own mind. I've taken a new leap of faith. A new eye on this world. And yes, I am happier. But not blissfully happy. IDLE. SORROW. DRUGS. BLISS. MOONLIGHT. STRENGTH

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- - 2004-05-23
depression started the day you were born - 2004-05-17
me, myself and I. In a nutshell, cracked in half. - 2004-05-17
just a blabber - 2004-04-29
companion, crutch - 2004-04-23
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